Names...

I met someone for the first time recently, and his name was Stephen. And he didn’t look like a Stephen. So I said to Stephen ‘you don’t really seem like a Stephen’. Stephen was clearly annoyed about my suggestion, which I meant no offense by. And no amount of snooker-related chat managed to ease tensions between us. Anyway, that's by the by, and to be honest I'm not that sure about Stephen anyway, he said he DJ's in Ibiza and in that moment I knew we'd never be friends

The point is, it got me thinking, isn’t it funny how we associate names with certain types of people, personality traits and characteristics? In fact, I would argue, that from a name alone it is quite easy to build an entire picture of what that person may be like.

So I thought it might be an interesting and worthwhile exercise for me to gradually go through all the names I can think of, and write down what immediately comes to mind in association with each name.

This is merely my interpretation of a series of names, so please do not be offended if your own name comes up and you believe that the characteristics I raise do not match your own. It’s just a bit of fun that might be an interesting look into the human psyche. Enjoy comrades…

Names:

Lucy – Caring, talkative, bubbly, although there is a thin line between bubbly and overly-familiar, a line which Lucy will often cross

Graham – Family man. Man’s man (As in masculine, not homosexual). Good with his hands. If the car breaks down he’ll fix it himself. Not afraid to discipline his children
Sebastian – Thoughtful and contemplative. Rarely loses his temper. Spends slightly too much time indoors

Harriet – Polite, well-mannered and well-educated. Confident if slightly arrogant. Dismissive towards the working-classes

Wayne – Salt of the earth. A friend to all. A man who knows how to enjoy himself. Occasionally prone to domestic violence 

John – Reliable, hard-working, efficient. Well-trusted by all who know him. Some people consider him dull but those who know him well know that not to be the case

Dave – Very funny and great company of an evening, but not someone you want to have a long term friendship with because he will inevitably let you down

Carol – Warm, generous, selfless. Woman of the church. Volunteers within the local community. A penchant for cakes that has contributed to her problems with high-blood pressure, which in truth has only endeared her even more within the village. A real gem

Paul – Quiet but dependable. Man of simple pleasures

Tina – The life and soul. Humour can be a little close to the bone, but is never ill-intentioned. Clothes tend to be revealing and risqué, which some say is admirable, but others say is inappropriate for a woman of her age

Colin – Friendly, easy-going, a good guy to have around. Talks a lot about how much he likes his job

Mandy – Working mum. Strong, independent woman. Has made mistakes with men in the past but doesn’t dwell on them. Potentially aggressive, but rarely without justification

Tyler – American. Very confident, brash even. Lack of awareness of or respect towards the role the United Kingdom has played in making America the nation it now is. Also greedy, with a terrible diet

Vince – Cheeky but harmless. Tells terrific anecdotes. Always late for appointments but manages to charm his way out of trouble. Has serious financial problems

Darren – Shy, and overcompensates for this by drinking too much and embarrassing himself as a result. Plays football at a semi-professional level

Jim – An outdoorsy man. Self-sufficient. Deeply sceptical about computers

Ron – Very popular and well-known in the county. A man who can get things done. Great orator and motivator. Has been outspoken in the past about his views on immigration

Brenda – Motherly. Tender. A great listener and always there for friends and family. Paranoid about her neighbours and as a result rarely leaves the house

Keith – A handyman, and will do anything for anyone, which has led to some taking advantage of his good nature. Following a mid-life crisis and subsequent nervous breakdown, wears an earring and a leather jacket, and often uses nicknames for himself like ‘Big K’ or ‘The wolfman’. His wife has left him but he still sees his children

Brad – Australian. Surfer. When he talks, his sentences lack cohesion or structure which can be frustrating. Very popular with women.

Lionel – Well-liked but known as a buffoon. Has become infamous for making a fool out of himself. Publicly laughs off this perception but privately resents it.

More to follow... and a note to all... I am compering an evening of comedy and music on June 11th in London at The Dalston Vic. This is in aid of Kent Police Museum; needless to say, a thoroughly worthy cause:

http://www.thedalstonvic.co.uk/kentpolice.htm

Best

Malc