Do me a favour, write one verse without a curse...

Following my last post I received several complaints about my so-called ‘assumptions’ about rap music. The general consensus of these complaints is that I am unfairly dismissing the genre without giving it the time of day.

My underlying principle in this blog is to be as fair as I can possibly be. And if I wish to stay true to that mantra I simply have to take heed of these criticisms.

So – I decided that I should listen to and review a variety of rap and R& B music. I searched for rap on the internet indiscriminately, and picked a short selection at random...

So here we go… and I'm trying as hard as I can to be reasonable here, but bear in mind that today I've been listening to Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds. Aka, the greatest concept album ever made... so it's going to be tough...

1) NWA – Straight Outta Compton:

      

Stopped at 50 seconds. Deeply upsetting. Unable to comment any further

2) Sean Kingston – Fire Burning:

Vast improvement, though still problematic. Got through the full song, but it left me confused and unsatisfied. What is the message this song is trying to convey? I could make out the lyrics to what I believe was the chorus: "Somebody call 911… Shorty’s burning fire on the dance floor". Now then, all I can think is that this is a depiction of a peculiar episode in which either a dwarf or midget has unfortunately caught fire in a disco. In response, Sean is suggesting that the emergency services need to be contacted. Which I would argue is not the main concern in this situation. The emergency services, one would assume, will take at best several minutes to arrive. The priority it would seem is to put these flames out immediately, as the poor individual will surely suffer fatal burns imminently. It’s unlikely he’ll be wearing many layers, as discotheques are notoriously humid, so there’s no protection there. It’s a public venue and thus, I would hope, will fulfil its legal duty as such to provide suitable means for fire safety.

Of course the emergency services will likely be required at some stage, so by all means contact them. But first and foremost let’s help, as Sean crassly describes him or her, shorty. Get a fire blanket round shorty, pronto. That’s what they’re there for.

Overall, not something I would choose to listen to but certainly tolerable. Haven’t thrown out my Wet, Wet, Wet collection just yet though! (I never will)

3) Snoop Dogg – Gin and Juice:

Shameful. Swear words thrown out like confetti at a wedding. Ironic that music with such little dignity is presented by a rapper named after an animal with such immense dignity. Never again

4) Jay Z – 99 Problems:

Gordon Bennett. I am at the very, very end of my tether. What an absolute pig of a man. 99 problems but the… I’ll tell you what Mr Z I’ve got 99 problems with this song. Probably more than that even. I’ve got 199 problems with this song. I haven’t got the time or the patience to list them all. I don’t know who this Jay Z is but I’m going to stick my neck out and say that I’d be shocked if he’s had any kind of commercial success whatsoever

5) Ludacris – Area Codes:

When I first listened, I thought, Christ, he really is ludicrous, if he’s "got hoe’s in different area codes"! He’s absolutely stark-raving mad the plonker! However, as the song progressed, I realised that probably this was a euphemism for something far more sordid than a garden instrument. And after some hasty research I was unpleasantly confronted with what he was really referring to; ladies of the night. Well Ludacris, I can tell you one post code you won’t have those sorts of contacts: TN12. Because there aren’t any "hoe’s" in Horsmonden, Kent, thank you very much. Abhorrent

6) Will Smith – Just the two of us:

A diamond in the rough. A beacon of light at the end of an eerie tunnel of darkness. A beautiful examination of a father’s unconditional love for his son. This is rap; and this is utterly charming: "From the hospital that first night, took an hour just to get the car seat in right". First-class. It's funny, it's relevant, it's truthful and it's inoffensive.

But the song is not afraid to make important comments about child-discipline either: "I want to kiss you all the time, but I will test that butt if you step out of line". Controversial – you bet, but he’s got a point. Sometimes, perhaps, an old-fashioned approach to child-discipline can work.

I then listed to several other Will Smith songs, and can honestly say that I thoroughly enjoyed them.

I listened to ‘Freakin’ it’, and particularly enjoyed the line in which he targets other rappers: "do me a favour, right one verse without a curse". My thoughts precisely Will.

He has a warmth and a charm that makes rap accessible for the likes of me. I wish him every success, and have even decided to purchase an album of his – Willenium. If the content of the album is as good as the word play in its title, I’m in for a rare treat

 Will Smith with his son. I assume

So that’s it. I’ve tried to be fair. I’ve listened to the complaints. I’ve listened to the rap. And these are my conclusions. I would have said, before listening to Will Smith, that rap music belongs in the deepest caverns of Hell. However, Will Smith has taught me a valuable lesson. Music genres are broad. Yes, the majority of rap probably isn’t for me, but that doesn’t mean I hate all rap. After all, just because I adore Dire Straits doesn’t mean that I adore all rock. Because I most certainly don’t. Just read Metallica’s on-line guestbook. They didn’t know what had hit them!

Best

Malc