Apologies for the hiatus. I took a well-earned break in Jersey , spending some time with my cousin Phil, who is a keen gardener. No prizes for guessing what two keen gardeners do when they get together!!!!!
I was also slightly jet-lagged upon my return so have been lying low for a while. But it did give me a chance to go up into the attic and uncover some more poetry from the past…
I unearthed this - an impassioned and frantically written poem - which I penned around a decade ago. I wrote it immediately after the iconic and unimprovable light-entertainment game show Big break was inexplicably cancelled. I was of course furious, and decided to vent my fury. I performed this the very same day at Lamberhurst working men's club, to a small and drunken crowd who were mostly in support of my take on the situation. See what you think...
(NB: Be aware that this was written some time before allegations about Davidson’s supposed racism, sexism and homophobia etc. were made. I have no comment to make about these allegations)
Broken (By Malcolm Head)
Well done Virgo. Thanks so much...
You combine God-given snooker ability with effortless charm
Your banter with Jim Davidson is top notch
Your humour is edgy, but never offensive
But now it's over. Foul and a miss...
Big Break is broken…
The TV bosses have spoken…
We’re not joking…
Cheers Jim. We’re so grateful
Your comedy is peerless. Your ability to improvise, infinite
You’re the entertainer of a generation.
You mock Virgo consistently but it never comes off as aggressive, even when you suggest he’s a moron simply because he’s northern
You're close to the bone, but the only bone you ever touch is the funny-bone
But we're pulling the chord. It's dead. End of frame
Big Break is broken…
The TV bosses have spoken
We’re not joking…
Many Thanks viewing public. You’ve made this programme an indisputable hit
You’ve tuned in in your millions
Your support has never waned
You’ve proved that a snooker-based game show not only has potential but is probably the best TV format ever conceived
We can see that you much prefer this to Casualty; a miserable, unnecessary and unrealistic portrayal of hospital life
But guess what? Casualty is all you’re getting now. No more fun...
But guess what? Casualty is all you’re getting now. No more fun...
Big Break is broken…
The TV bosses have spoken
We’re not joking…
Thanks so much several professional snooker players
It was a privilege to see your skills displayed outside of professional snooker tournaments
You were never short of a joke either, and with the exception of Ken Doherty, seemed very comfortable in front of the camera
And it has not gone unnoticed that your involvement has been a great advert for the game of snooker, introducing a new audience to this majestic and unsung sport
But you can all go home now
But you can all go home now
Big Break is broken
The TV bosses have spoken
We’re not joking…
We never joke…
Because we are stupid, humourless TV bosses. And we wouldn't know good entertainment if it hit us over the head with a snooker cue
Above: Ken Doherty, the only player ever to have been world amateur and world professional snooker champion. In my opinion, the best positional player ever to draw breath
Best
M
